#stoner geralt

[awaywithwitchers]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, The Witcher (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher) Characters: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Jaskier | Dandelion, Eskel (The Witcher), Lambert (The Witcher), Aiden (The Witcher) Additional Tags: Fluff, Just a fun time, Brothers, Arguing, Domestic Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Stoner eskel, jaskier can’t swim, Lambert Lambert What A Prick Series: Part 8 of Rugby Geralt AU (Supplemental Stories) Summary:

During a weekend at Aiden's parents' cabin, Lamb and Geralt get into a fight after Jaskier ends up in the middle of the lake because of Lambert's antics. This one is totally canon.

Some brotherly antics bc why not

[fandom-junk-drawer]

The Witcher Headcanon (Modern AU) - Stomach Troubles

Jaskier sometimes wishes he was a Witcher. Who wouldn't want to basically have superpowers? He admires Geralt's enhanced strength and senses, and his resilience, sturdiness, and overall hardiness.

The man could probably stub his toe on the coffee table and have his toenail hanging on by a scrap of skin and just casually be like "Oh, well f**k. Would you look at that?" as if he were commenting on the weather.

If Jaskier stubbed his toe, it would be game over. That would be it. He'd be on the ground in the fetal position, writing his Will because he was dying.

What Jaskier really admires about Geralt is his constitution. Geralt regularly eats the mystery leftovers that he finds in the back of the fridge that have been hiding there for heaven knows how long.

It still smells good, and it's not all green and runny yet, so..

He could literally eat out of the garbage and be perfectly fine. H*ll, he could probably eat roadkill, maggots and all, and be like food-borne illnesses and parasites? What are those?

If something does manage to upset his stomach, it's usually mild. A rancid fart here and there, maybe a slightly sour stomach. Nothing he can't sleep off.

Jaskier wishes he had a stomach like Geralt's. His diet isn't the best, so he sometimes has to deal with various digestive issues. Most of them are mild issues, like the common upset stomach, acid reflux, and mild cases of needing to make a quick run for the nearest toilet.

He doesn't like to complain and bother his friends, so he tries his best to deal with the problem on his own. Sometimes, he'll ask Yennefer for one of her potions if he starts feeling too much discomfort.

He doesn't have to deal with digestive issues too often, though, because Yennefer is usually the one making their meals. She does it becuase she refuses to allow Jaskier and Geralt to "eat like stoners". Healthy meals are the norm, though she does let them order take away once in a while.

But Jaskier isn't always at home for every meal. He does gigs with his band and sometimes spends days on the road, going from city to city, or he spends a few days at Madeleine's house when they are working on their projects. Those are the times when Jaskier eats whatever the f**k he wants, and often eats too much of it in one go. Most of the time he suffers no ill effects, aside from a little indigestion.

Madeleine wonders how he never seems to have problems until he gets into the car. Then he's ripping a** , and there's no escape. She has the suspicion that he always does it in the car because he knows she can't get out. And it always smells like a dead animal.

Sometimes, he ends up destroying Madeleine's bathroom. And he always seems to run out of toilet paper when it happens. Then he has to yell through the door.

Madeleine pushes the end of a bog roll under the door and lets him unravel it as he needs, or , if she's feeling brave, she'll take a deep breath, yank the door open, toss the bog roll in grenade-style, then slam the door shut before the miasma can leak out.

Yennefer has warned her about not giving him Pepto-Bismol. She said it turns his tongue black, and he thinks it's funny to try to lick her. Yennefer has learned this from experience.

Yennefer has also been the victim of Jaskier's childish sense of humor. The little b**tard will innocently come and sit across her lap on the couch. He'll lean into her and rest his head on her shoulder, the very image of 'I need a cuddle'. He'll snuggle down, and get cozy, and then he'll shift, rip a** on her, and run away cackling while Yennefer chokes on the horrid crud vapors.

It's so rank, she swears she just got pink eye from it.

And it's funny as h*ll when he cracks one in Van Roach with Geralt and Yennefer. The Witcher is always the first one to smell it, and it hits his nose like a f***ing freight train. He's cussing and gagging, and his shoulder is making these tiny, desperate circles as he frantically tries to turn the old-school window crank fast enough to get the window down before he passes out from the smell.

Meanwhile, Yennefer is wondering what the f**k he's doing. And then she's b*tching at him because rolling the window down has done nothing but forcefully circulate the smell and now she can smell it.

Then she's jumping Jaskier's a** for eating whatever the f**k it was that made that cheek flapper smell like maggoty garbage on a hot day. He'll do it in public too.

He'll drop an air biscuit, then just walk away, leaving one of them standing in it.

Once, after eating some really spicy, greasy tacos with Eskel, he went home and asked Geralt to help him find something in the big upstairs closet. They started looking through the storage boxes, and after a few minutes, Jaskier dropped that hydrogen bomb he'd been holding in and slammed the door shut, trapping Geralt in the closet with it.

Yennefer had laughed when she'd been told about it, because well, it hadn't been her stuck in that closet.

She always threatens some creatively unpleasant consequences if Jaskier keeps eating all that sh*t food he likes so much. She constantly reminds him about his acid reflux, and tells him she's not going to just drop everything and come running everytime he eats something he shouldn't have and thinks he's having a heart attack.

Jaskier tries not to eat what results in stomach issues, but sometimes he just can't help it. Some foods are just too tasty to turn down! And when it's all you can eat... Of course he's going to get his money's worth! Consequenes? Meh, he'll worry about those later!

[itendswithakiss]

What if instead of naming Roach after the fish (or bug), Geralt was a really big stoner and really liked roach clips

[ooksaidthelibrarian]

He should be used to pain, after decades on the Path. Maybe retirement had turned him soft. But the pain from injuries gotten in a fight never was like this. Theirs was a fierce pain, bright and brutal. This was an ache deep in his flesh, never relenting, gnawing at his mind as well as his body.

Geralt has a bad day, and Regis helps

and the wind is never weary

Fandom: Witcher Rating: G Words: 1291 (oneshot)

Drug Use

Weed

Chronic Pain

Pain

weed as painkiller

Fluff

rainy day

Hurt/Comfort

Comfort

Post-Blood and Wine (The Witcher 3 DLC)

Corvo Bianco (The Witcher)

Read it on AO3

written for the Stoner Witcher event @stonerwitcher

[obitv]

sorry im going to throw up. geralt the stoner panda is gay

WHY DID HE SAY THAT

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Bubblegum Lip Balm

me? projecting? lol no yearning? never but if anyone wants to get high and platonically make out with me at sunset overlooking the san juans then applications are open

Pairing: Geraskier, non relationship, roomies with benefits kinda?

Warnings: devil’s lettuce consumption (weed), making out in public, getting high in public, technically this could be a felony in some states, even more reason to give it a go, but thats all

________________________

Geralt walked up behind Jaskier and just about threw his backpack on the ground, wrinkling and bunching the blanket Jaskier had laid out on the side of the hill. Still, his roommate didn’t move, staring out over the mouth of the sound a couple hundred feet below them. Everything was starting to glow in that specific shade of gold that only really happens on coastal evenings at the end of summer and a gentle breeze was blowing the fresh sea air up to them. Admittedly it was beautiful with its crashing waves and cliffs covered in stubborn pines and the occasional oak or madrone, but there was no reason Jaskier should be that entranced.

 It was then Geralt noticed the earbuds and squatted down behind Jaskier so he was just barely a head taller and leaned forward. He was practically hovering over the brunette as he blew a puff of air over his silky soft hair. Jaskier jumped, almost knocking his head into Geralt’s chin, before tilting his head back and smiling brilliantly as he removed his headphones. 

“Hi.”

“Hey,” Geralt greeted him, tilting his head down and grinning, “Why’d you call me out here?”

Rolling his eyes, Jaskier sighed heavily before answering, “Routine is all well and good Geralt, but don’t you want to actually enjoy life?”

“I enjoy my life just fine,” Geralt grunted as he let himself fall into the open space on the blanket next to Jaskier, spinning to face out over the water. 

Jaskier just waved his hand in the air dismissively as he rifled through his own bag. It took him a minute or two but he eventually found what he was looking for and held a monster joint up for Geralt to admire like it was made of gold. Come to think of it, Geralt was sure weed was better than gold in your late twenties. 

When he just looked between the joint and his roommate Jaskier piped up, “Let’s hit this till we can’t drive and makeout.”

A snort made it out before Geralt could stop it, but thankfully it only seemed to amuse Jaskier even more, “I was going to drive us home.”

“We can call Triss and Eskel.”

“Why?”

Jaskier had clearly expected Geralt’s questions and launched into his logic before the syllable had even left Geralt’s lips, “I’ve had a shitty week. You’ve had a shitty week. Why not be degenerates for a few hours and pretend we don’t have the problems we actually do? And- I’m not done, don’t interrupt- when was the last time you got to just relax and makeout with someone while stoned out of your mind? You don’t even have to worry about calling me or ghosting or giving me a shitty excuse!”

“That was only once,” Geralt defended, taking the joint from Jaskier as he spoke and holding his other hand out for the lighter. 

“You’re just as much of a slut as I am,” Jaskier argued, flipping the cap of his douchey custom lighter and flicking the striker.  

Geralt rolled his eyes as he leaned forward and cupped his hands around the tiny flame, holding the joint between his lips and making sure he got a nice burn going before leaning back and taking a deep inhale. Jaskier mimicked him and leaned back to watch the landscape as they held their breath as long as they could. Geralt could see Jaskier turning red and giving him glances out of the corner of his eyes but he didn’t let his breath out yet. 

Finally, Jaskier caved and did his best to slowly exhale but quickly devolved into a coughing fit that left him even more red-faced. Giving him a shit-eating grin, Geralt blew a perfectly steady stream of smoke out in front of them and only had to cough a couple of times before clearing his throat sufficed. 

“Y’okay there?” he teased, slapping Jaskier on the back as he continued to cough. 

“Fuck- off s-swim team,” Jaskier choked out. 

Plucking the joint out of Jaskier’s hand, Geralt gave him a wink, “My athletic career has nothing to do with it.”

About halfway through the joint, they realized if they finished it they wouldn’t have the mind to call for a ride before the next morning, so Jaskier stamped it out on a nearby rock and popped it back in its little aluminum tube for later. 

Over time Jaskier had snuggled up to Geralt’s side as they watched the waves crash against the beach on the other side of the inlet. It was the most comfortable he’d been in a while. Between looking for a job that actually used his degree, suffering through a customer service gig, and the nightmare that was dating, he’d forgotten to relax for what felt like years. Hell, it might have been over a year since he’d done something for himself. It had definitely been years since he’d shared a joint with Jaskier. 

Oh, right. Jaskier. They were planning to take advantage of the high somehow. Fuck. What had Jaskier said…

“Hey J…” Geralt murmured, tilting his head so his cheek bumped Jaskier’s temple.

“Hmm?”

“What were we gonna do?” A little giggle built up through the end of his question and he smiled despite himself. 

“Umm…” Jaskier held his note for longer than Geralt thought was humanly possible as a couple late-night joggers passed behind them on the trail, “Oh, we were gonna suck face.”

“Mm, slutty.”

Jaskier gave a few tiny nods in agreement, still not moving from his spot against Geralt’s shoulder. 

Before Geralt really finalized the decision in his head, he’d reached behind Jaskier’s opposite knee and was hauling the yelping and giggling man onto his lap. As he ran his hands up Jaskier’s back and pulled him close enough that their lips could meet, Jaskier snaked his fingers through Geralt’s hair. They both let out a sigh of relief as they sank into each other. Not that they were well practiced in kissing each other, but it was far from their first shared kiss and probably wouldn’t be the last. Both of them knew what the other liked well enough that Geralt was swept up in the kiss for quite some time before he registered something. 

Pulling back and rubbing his lips together, Geralt tilted his head and inspected Jaskier’s mouth, “Did you wear bubblegum lip balm?”

“Mhm,” Jaskier started, nosing at Geralt to get him to tilt his head back up where he wanted him, “knew yours would be chapped.” 

“Wouldn’t have- if -I got a heads -up,” Geralt grumbled between kisses, one hand digging into Jaskier’s hip. 

“Liar.”

Geralt giggled again as he fell backward onto the dry beach grass and pulled Jaskier with him, “Shut up and kiss me.”

And Jaskier did, for hours. 

[thejgatsbykid]

I unironically love how much of a Witcher novel ends up being just. Geralt and his buds on a fucked up road trip. They just met a guy in a cemetery (Regis), got EXTREMELY drunk with him and invited him on their trip, went to a local refugee village to resolve a dispute after their action girl punched a guy so hard he passed out, ended up interfering in a witch trial where their new friend Regis carried a red-hot horseshoe in his bare hand to prove the girl's innocence and they're all just like "ok sure, he's probably something fucked up, he distills some fucking stupendous moonshine tho so we're not gonna be dicks about it." The village gets attacked a minute later and the last Geralt sees of his new friend Regis is him helping the village headman drop said red-hot horseshoe down the pants of the asshole priest (who got called a cumbrain a few pages previously while Geralts friends were roasting him) that had put the girl on trial. A battle then takes place offscreen bc Geralt got kicked in the head and knocked out while trying to hide with Dandelion so they didn't get trampled.

[g-a-y-b-a-c-o-n]

Geralt and Lambert trying to outdo each other on dates. Like who can come up with the best date idea. Meanwhile both Jaskier and Aiden are very content with staying inside, eating take out and playing video games

Geralt: You know? Me and Jaskier probably had the best date ever. We went to a salsa class and Jaskier loved it.

Lambert: Oh? You did? That’s cool. If you’re an old married couple. Lemme tell you about what we did. Nighttime, rooftop, old farm, stargazing.

Geralt: Okay. Yeah. That’s cool and all. If you’re a college stoner.

Eskel: *tired sigh* Letho. Pass the bong.

[meanwhile]

Aiden: So, what are you gonna do for your next date?

Jaskier: I’m gonna make him stay home so we can just watch a movie and fucking r e l a x .

Aiden: Fucking s a m e .

[0dde11eth]

OK but geralt getting poisoned by a monster on a contract. He takes his potions in time so instead of killing him it just makes him super loopy.

Geralt basically turns into Crush. (That stoner turtle from finding Nemo.)

Jaskier freaks out and demands to know what happened.

"Jaskier I saw the whole thing! First I was like Whoa! Then I was like WHOAAAAA. Then I was like..... whoahhhh."

Jaskiers eye is twitching because geralt is FINALLY willing to talk, but he's too damn loopy to be able to articulate properly.

(Go check out @penandinkprincess she has several amazing stories about geralt and jaskier being high for different reasons.)

[cycian]

Sorceresses as levels of mental illness and general unhinged-ness.

15-Vanielle Of Brugge **Sodden Hill fertiliser** : a rather well adjusted person. Unless Stregobor is in the room, she's perfectly fine.

14-Coral **SKEEEELLLIIIGEEEE**: anyone who sleeps with Geralt loses one point in mental stability and in olfactive awareness.

13-Nina Vivero **Underrated Rita-sitter**: homegirl lost mental stability after being around Rita, who absorbs mental health as fast as alcohol.

12-Book Francesca **Emergency Plan B**: stopped giving a shit last century ago. The lodge is quickly making her unhinged.

11- Tissaia De Vries. **World's Number** **Mommy Issue Provider :**Very well adjusted until Yennefer happened. Also, after spending decades with Rita and raising Conspiratory Owl Girlboss, she lost points.

10-Ida Emean Aep Sivney **Elven Stoner** : she knows too much. Has seen too much. Lost mental stability upon hearing

Sabrina for the first time.

9-Yennefer Of Vengerberg **Die, Cry, Hate mom**: gives zero shits, constantly running from problems she caused, only to cause more. Needs therapy.

8-Sheala De Tancarville **The** **Koviri Boner**: poor introvert forced into constant social situations with extroverted, nymphomaniac sorceresses with one braincell and death wishes. Needs a xanax and vodka.

7-Speaking of, KEIRA METZ, **the OG MATERIAL GWOOORL**: constantly complaining, unhinged little gremlin with a knuckle duster and endless lust. Queen shit. Turns into an angry mess whenever bed bugs are in the vicinity which is fair and understandable.

6-Assire Var Anahid **Milfgardian Pussy Lover**: girl you are GAY. She needs to come to terms with that.sapphic mess.

5-Fringilla Vigo **Nilfgardian Clown**: ma'am you are also very bi and very much into every member of the lodge. Lost so much mental stability points after clowning for Geralt. Seriously, called out another woman's name during sex, and you're still simping? Get a grip.

4-Triss Merigold, **Crème Brûlée** : a disaster on all fronts. Chronic gaslighter, thinks with her vagina and needs to get ahold of herself. Has clowned for Geralt of Rivia, most of the lodge and most notable the world's most sociopathic owl.

3-Margarita Laux-Antille **Alcoholic Bisexual Disaster**: there is something deeply wrong with her. Love her for it. Simps for men, has the smarts to know it but cannot help herself. Needs ten new livers and so much therapy.

2-Sabrina Glevissig **Kaedweni Kebab**: local homophobic racist is in fact a gay mess and very much into elves. Needs to get her head out of her arse, go to therapy and might need to be restrained. Her willingness to commit acts of unspeakable violence with Keira Metz automatically puts her on the naughty and most wanted lists.

1-Philippa Eilhart LESBOMANCYY: all hail the queen of mommy issues. Needs therapy and imprisonment. Is a threat to the continent, gaslights and Girlbosses every day of her life. Throws up pussy-scented pellets on her foes-- keep slaying but also please confront your issues.

[limerental]

yenralt modern au ft. vaguely mallgoth stoner camgirl Yen and weirdo nerd albino sad pathetic Geralt and mostly Angst

I intended to write this for @yenraltsource 's tropetember week but then i wrote it and I can't just wait a whole month to post it... no sir

content warning for drug use, unhealthy relationships, angst, and gratuitous, unapologetic American suburbanization of these characters. If you think twn was too American get ready for--

The four lane highway beyond the mall was the same crush of traffic as it always was these days, the suburban sprawl of new housing developments and strip malls choking up around their old podunk haunts like tumors wound around fading organs. 

“I told you so,” said Yennefer, her boots kicked up on the dusty dashboard of Geralt’s beater van. “I told you the traffic would be fucking shit."

“Yeah,” said Geralt, peering out at the congested sprawl of endless intersections. Used to be way less stoplights swinging over this flat strip of road, a straight shot from his campus apartment complex, past the mall, and on to Yen’s place on the other side of town. Used to be easier to get to her, pedal down and flying. Used to be he’d just drive flat out across town and find her out front of her trailer in a lawn chair puffing on joints, and he’d guess at which chair wasn’t half-broken and pull one up and sit next to her and that’s all it took. 

Now, she was sitting right there in the passenger seat and felt so far away he could scream.

“I told you not to come out this way,” said Yennefer and cracked the window to blow out a plume of vape smoke. "It's gone to shit." The neat little electric thing she had now looked real good snugged between the dip of her fingers and pursed at her lips. Geralt knew if he told her that right now, she’d just think he was trying to distract from his poor decision-making.

Way back, they’d met right there in that hulking, ugly shell of a mall, him picking up shifts at Gamestop and her at the Hot Topic across the way. They’d shared brief ‘good mornings’ at open and ‘have a good nights’ at close while he tried to get up the courage to start a real conversation. She was something else, like she was made for someplace other than this dusty, rural shithole, dressed like somebody out of a music video. 

She gave zero shits what anybody thought of her. Black platform boots and black and white dresses, criss-crossed with chains and straps all artfully wrapped around her in ways that seemed complicated enough she must use some kind of dark sorcery to weave them on and off. The thought of getting them off her one by one forced him to sit down a while behind the retail desk and just breathe and not stare across the mall aisle at her for a while. 

In contrast to her elaborate fashion, Geralt dressed for comfort and to go unnoticed, black cargos and his drab, work polo, a dark hoodie with the hood drawn close. His looks drew attention easily but not for being some surreal beauty like Yen but because his genetic albinism made him look like some creature that grew up in a cave with no light. Long, limp hair as white as brows and eyelashes and skin and strange, unnerving eyes.

It had been Yen who finally approached him one afternoon, cocking her hip to reveal a long length of thigh through the slit in her black dress. Even in her platforms, he'd been surprised by how short she was. Even so, she seemed to loom. 

Geralt had swallowed hard when she asked him to dinner and could do nothing but nod, and at the end of their shifts, she’d whisked him off to the Asian fusion place on the other side of the mall. He’d been too chickenshit scared to tell her he’d never had sushi before, and she’d laughed when he finally confessed and fed him a tuna roll right from her hand. 

She’d asked him if he knew he turned bright pink when he got flustered, and he’d said yeah, it’s the albinism and she’d asked with an upward tip of her neat brows if he turned that shade all over, and Geralt had burned and burned.

“I wanted sushi,” he said waiting at yet another red light with the mall looming just over the horizon. “From that place we used to go.”

Yen scoffed. 

“That place closed last year, Geralt,” she said. “Don’t you pay attention to anything?”

She said that all the time lately. He didn’t pay enough attention. He didn't notice things. In some ways, he knew she was right. 

He’d forgotten their anniversary last month and had to grab her flowers from the grocery store even though he knew she couldn’t stand flowers, and when he’d given them to her, she’d taken them without comment and put them in water in a pint glass with a peeling label and swept all the bills and notices off the kitchen island with one great, angry push of her hands to set them there. Then just stood with her palms flat against the counter and looked at them.

 When Geralt had tried to touch her between the shoulderblades, she’d shrugged him off and gone into the bedroom and shut the door.

But she didn’t pay attention either, not really. 

She was doing cam work now, which Geralt didn’t love but didn't say anything about, the thought of strangers getting off to her body and smoky words without even knowing who she was. Without knowing how she smelled, not her lilac perfume but the ripe bodily smell of her that was sweet and familiar after so long together. Without knowing where her scars came from, the ones on her wrists and the surgery pockmocks on her shoulders. 

They slipped past each other, most days. He’d get off nights doing security work, and the sun would be pinking up over their complex as he pulled in, and he’d sit there a while in his van just knowing she wouldn’t be awake until noon. 

When he first got the new job, he used to sneak in and kiss her awake, and they’d roll together in the early morning light, Yen sleep-warm and wearing one of his shirts and so damn soft. She’d complain that he stank and his stubble scratched, and he’d rub his cheek against her soft, soft thigh a little, and she’d arch up against him like it was the best thing she’d ever felt.

These days, he’d come home and toe off his boots and collapse on the couch to lie there staring at the closed bedroom door with the sunlight slowly creeping across the living room. Sometimes he wished he didn’t sleep like the dead, so he’d wake when Yen woke up, even if it meant he only got a few hours of sleep.

“Fuck it,” said Geralt and veered off into a turning lane toward a gas station. His shift started in a few hours, and he’d wanted– well, he’d had some vain hope when he asked Yen out to dinner that they could go to their old sushi joint and sit across from one another like they used to, and he could find some way to make her laugh with a dry quip and she’d look at him that dark way that used to light him on fire, like she wanted to stick a straw in him and suck out his soul.

He’d let her. She could have it. She could have all of him. These days, he just couldn’t figure out a way to give it to her that didn’t have her rolling her eyes or going tense and quiet and mean. He didn’t know how much of him was actually left to give. Maybe she’d already drained him dry, and this was what was left. Maybe their whole relationship was no different than the shambling, walking dead in a burnt out mall on a tired, soulless highway. 

“Where the fuck are you going, Geralt?” Yen demanded, straightening up.

“Getting sushi.”

“At the gas station? Absolutely not. Geralt, we don’t have health insurance.”

“I’m getting it. You don’t have to come. We’ll stop at Taco Bell on the drive back.”

He eased the old van into a parking space and headed into the gas station, half expecting Yen to stay just where she was. She stubbornly followed him.

Geralt stopped at the open cooler housing his questionable dinner choice. He looked back at Yen. In the glaring fluorescence of the store, she looked tired, barely like herself. Her eyes were veined red, and she’d slung her unwashed hair in a loose bun to go out, hadn’t worn any makeup. She was wearing sweatpants and a rumpled t-shirt of all things, her arms crossed over the letters of his university frat, only the black ribbon choker tied around her neck harkening back to the glamorous, eccentric Hot Topic goth days of her youth. 

Maybe she hadn’t looked like herself in a long time. Maybe nobody could stay the same person forever, and she’d grown into somebody that didn’t fit next to him any longer.

He perused the sushi in its plastic clam shell housings and settled on some veggie rolls with imitation crab which seemed least likely to cause potential horrible gastric distress.

“That’s not sushi,” Yen said derisively, tapping her fingers on her crossed arms.

“Thought you didn’t want me getting sick.”

“I also thought you wanted actual decent food.”

“You wanted to get Taco Bell.”

Yen huffed.

Geralt set his selection back down and picked up a neat line of decidedly raw sushi.

“On your head be it,” said Yennefer. 

Something in her voice made him look at her. She had a hip cocked and was almost smiling, a little fond smirk with an eyebrow tipped up like she was already looking forward to saying “I told you so” when he shit himself half to death tomorrow. He’d been thinking how he was looking forward to saying the same thing when her Taco Bell binge ended in inevitable questionable bowel movements. Something about it made him feel nothing but unflinching fondness for this stubborn, ridiculous woman.

“I love you, Yen,” he said without thinking. She stood up straight and dropped her crossed arms, her face changing.

“That’s the first time you’ve said that to me in a long time,” she said.

“Really?” he asked. He didn’t think that was true, but maybe he’d really only thought it, never having what felt like a good opening to voice it aloud. He thought it all the damn time.

“A very long time,” said Yen and sounded sad, her voice warping a little. Geralt felt a cold shiver go through him, and for a moment it felt like maybe he could breach the distance, that he could step the few feet between them and embrace her right there in the middle of the gas station, crush her to him and not let go. 

So, he set the sushi back down in the cooler and went to her, didn’t tug her close like he wanted but just lay a hand on her neck with a small bit of pressure and rubbed a little at the knobs of her vertebrae that he knew were always tight.

“Do they still have quesaritos?” he asked, and she laughed, only a quick huff of breath but more than he'd heard her laugh in forever.

When Geralt pulled the van back out onto the highway headed toward home, the heavy traffic felt far less irritating. It meant he got to sit beside Yennefer a while longer, his hand warming the flat of her thigh.

[witchertits]

You ain't a drug but you get me so high

Geraskier, M, 6k Read on Ao3!!

by WitcherTits (MirkwoodBabe)

Summary:

“I, ah, that is, I’ll have what you’re having?” he hesitantly met his eyes. It had been just days since Lambert callously told him he wasn’t one of them, and he wasn’t quite prepared for the newfound acceptance Geralt’s family appeared to be extending to him.

Lambert barked out a laugh.

“Fair enough,” Lambert picked up the pipe he’d been smoking and a lit tallow candle.

Jaskier bodily recoiled from the flame.

“Can— can you light it for me? Please?”

“‘Course,” Lambert inhaled, drawing the flame into the pipe’s bowl. Satisfied it would remain lit, he passed it to Jaskier.

S2 fix-it fic but add cannabis!!!

Rating:

Mature

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

M/M

Fandoms:

Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types

The Witcher (TV)

Relationship:

Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion

Characters:

Jaskier | Dandelion

Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia

Eskel (The Witcher)

Lambert (The Witcher)

Coën (The Witcher)

Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg

Additional Tags:

Drug Use

Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism

Improper Use of Igni (The Witcher)

Smoking

Nonbinary Lambert (The Witcher)

If I smoked with Lambert one of us would leave with a different gender

Fix-It

Stoner Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia

In Vino Veritas

or whatever the weed equivalent is

Recreational Drug Use

Marijuana

disabled Coën (The Witcher)

pass a joint to your witcher

Getting Together

First Kiss

Everybody Lives

Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Loves Jaskier | Dandelion

wake and bake

Kaer Morhen (The Witcher)

[littlefreya]

Henry’s characters music taste

@radaofrivia​​ has given me the best idea, so here we go, defining their taste in music!

Walter Marshall - Heavy Metal, Black Metal, Prog, alternative metal and good ol’ 90s grunge but every now and then some rap too. Let’s face it, guy works in highly dark profession, only wears black, has a beard and semi-long hair. Don’t let the law enforcement job fool you, he needs to release some aggression. 

Fave artists: Alice in Chains, Gojira, Tool, Opeth, Rage Against the Machine, Faith no More.

Captain Syverson - the answer is staring us in the face. Captain BDE is an old-schooler. He loves the fathers of metal; old rock classics and country rock and he ain’t into whatever these kids today listen to.

Faves: Lynyrd Skynyrd, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Black Sabbath, AC/DC.

August Walker - August doesn’t listen to that modern shit. Classical music is what really gets him off. And when I say off I mean it.

Faves: Mozart, Bach, Vivaldi, Beethoven. Though secretly a Lana Del Rey fan. She sings about daddy...

Clark Kent - Human puppy cub Clark is soft. He loves the more indie type of music and soft rock/pop hits. 

Fave: He’s into The National, The Revivalists, Interpol, Franz Ferdinand.

Napoleon Solo - First thing first, he’s a music man. Secondly: look at him, he’s a Sintra fan. Boy is smooth. He’s into those 50-60′s good ol’ artists, rocknroll and of course italian love songs.

Faves: Frank Sinatra, Elvis, Ray Charles, Cream, The beach boys.  

Will Shaw -  is into R&B, Hiphop and 90′s rap. He also loves some rock but not as much, just the very popular ones.

Faves: Tupac, Snoop Dogg, Mos Def,  The weekend and Foo Fighters 

Evan Marshall - Stoners rock and alternative rock. Evan likes everything that’s unconventional and expands his horizons. 

Faves: Melvins, The Black Angels, Acid King, Dax Riggs, Queens of the Stone Age.

Charles Brandon - Ok... he doesn’t really live in our days but let’s say he did, Charlie boy would be into all the erotic music chill music, trip hop, electro-pop    

Faves: Massive Attack, Lovage, Goldfrapp, Portishead, Zero 7, Justice.

Geralt of Rivia - Yeah okay another one... but if he did live in our days, Geralt would be totally into Melodic death metal, Power Metal, Folk Metal and every nerdy fantasy metal there is. 

Faves: Epica, Insomnium, Behemoth, Amon Amarth, Sabaton, Alestorm. 

Mike - Nu metal and goth-synth metal(?), the guy is from the early 2000 after all. He’s into whatever they are playing at that party

Faves: Linkin Park, Korn, Disturbed, Orgy, Deftones, Static X.

Randy Lee James - He’s a romantic puppy and he’s into cheesy 80′s pop and 80′s glam metal, he’ll be blasting those on his boat and offer you to join him for a dance.

Faves: Aha, Duran Duran, Tears for Fears, Bon Jovi, New Order.

Melot - Our boy is a little bit brooding, guess what? He’s into Thrash metal, everything that’s tough and angry is for him.

Faves: Pantera, Metallica, Megadeth, Slayer. 

[garfieldsladybird]

Wips: work in progress.

Celebrities.

Next level — Timothée H. Chalamet.

t.h.c. | Timothée Hal Chalamet.

golden era.

n.e.w.t.s. — Theodore Nott.

Stones — stoner!Neville L. & Draco M.

lords and beasts era.

Softy — tom riddle.

marauders era.

two-fifthy-four | Regulus black.

Him — R.A.B.

Munchies — the marauders.

You — J.F.P.

My Heart — Lily Evens.

The Witcher.

Rid me of | Geralt of Rivia.

Stranger things.

Lets kiss. — Eleven/Jane Hopper.

Cute. — Eleven/Jane Hopper.

High into Battle. —  Eddie Munson.

Peaky Blinders.

Receiving. — Thomas shelby.

Dog. — Thomas shelby.

The right path. — Thomas shelby.

Huh. — Thomas shelby.

© garfieldsladybird 2022.

[ainti-pretty]

ok but wheres the witcher hsm aus???? im waiting

obviously, geralts troy, regis is gabriella, yen is sharpie and jaskiers ryan (i love their friendship) and vesemirs the theatre director, and valdo marx is the stoner during stick to the status quo who plays the cello

[incorrectly-quoted-queers]

Jaskier: I'm just Jaskier who's a loner, so he must be a stoner, fell for a mean bruiser, god he's such a loser, Jaskier flying solo, who you think that you know, Jaskier in the bathroom by himself...

Geralt: Dammit, I'm sorry I didn't want to take a bath with you. Will you stop singing now?

.

.

.

Jaskier: On my own, pretending he's beside me...

Geralt: Oh for fuck's sake